Looking back at the moment I “woke” up and saw the negativity and the world that I created with it just shook me to the core. I remember my college professor talking about Carl Jung’s “What you resist will persist” and how I didn’t care for it. A deep regret was not contemplating on where my life was headed. He was giving me a life lesson here. I went on about life without grounding and never saw the choices I made. I never saw how my choices effected me and the immediate world around me.
All the inner work I resisted doing, just kept rolling into a huge ball of disaster for me. I never saw the disaster growing into a magnet for toxic people to be around me, attracting toxic events , and eventually to being manipulated by friends I thought cared for me.
Most of my adult life consisted of:
- continued low self-esteem/self-worth
- image issues
- eating disorder and other health issues
- lack of self-love/self-hate
- identity crisis
- low vibe behaviors and habits
- victim mentality
- lack of accomplishment
I resisted myself and didn’t acknowledge what I was becoming at a young age. I still have these elements I listed in my life which I have to train myself to become a better person.
For now, the list of negativity I shall call it or the list of resistance, created manifesting blocks in my life. I mean, how can you call in good things when you have a massive resistance to it? Absolutely, can not call in anything good.
How did myself block my manifesting?
My lack of motivation and perseverance kept myself from finished a bachelor’s degree. Instead, I worked minimum wage jobs and didn’t have much chances to grow. If I did have potential chances to promotions and leadership, I didn’t allow myself to get out of the comfort zone. Instead, the last few years being manipulated kept me from growing because my limiting belief was that I was incapable of becoming more.
To break it down more:
Prosperity & Fortune- I saw myself unable to make more than minimum wage or that my limited education limited my wealth.
I didn’t allow myself to advance to different positions that could launch me out of the customer service level. My lack of motivation kept me where I was which was minimum wage or slightly above minimum wage.
I was unable to attract love. The lack of self- esteem or worthiness repels anyone coming to me even if I tried manifesting it. I saw myself as unfit to not only love but good people from coming to me.
I was not feeling content with life. I felt I was never going to have it.
All of the blocks above created fears such as never accomplishing what I wanted to achieve in life. That created more fears. This thinking pattern kept my blocks very nice and huge.
It brought me to depression and made me unable to see any good that can come into my life. No wonder nothing positive would come to me or stick to me.