I can say I am a expert at being negative.
This is not something that I wanted to become or wanted to solely base my decision or the events that occurred in my life to happen based on negativity. However it did.
I used to have an angry face all the time. One person have told me years ago, that I look angry. I didn’t even realize it because I was so fixed in my thoughts. My facials have improved. With the occasional annoyed face.
I did have some positive moments in my life which probably halted my negativity in life a little bit. However, negativity once you let it in, never goes away unless you fight it. Switching out negativity with positivity. An easy example, me body shaming myself. I used to compare myself to a magazine or other people and feel not good enough because I am overweight. Now, I do not compare myself because I am different from everyone else. I appreciate my body more and more.
Where does negativity come from?
From my experience we are conditioned from the environment around us. The people around you. Parents are the first teachers in a child’s life and they influence their expectations of you to you. For example, my parents are immigrant parents and they came here to seek a better life for their kids so, we don’t have to struggle like they did and also to seek relief for themselves. My parents never told it to me but, they just expected me to ‘get’ that they want me to have better than them. They would compare me to my cousins and show me how bad I am doing. I was criticized the hardest because I was the oldest.
Parents can begin the negative thought patterns based on their actions. Their parenting style may not be ideal. Your parents own negativity can pass on to you.
Friends and family can also have influence in your negativity. You can have friends that encourage your negative behavior or certain patterns in your life. Or maybe they are toxic and negative themselves.
School is an environment where kids spend more of their time other than home. Just like adults spend most of their time at work more than home, the kids have school. This is a place where kids can be conditioned the easiest. Luckily for me, I had a primary school where the teachers wanted the kids to succeed in school and beyond. They taught a combination of life skills and coursework. Plus, I grew up in a different time. Back in the 90’s my neighborhood wasn’t packed like city schools are now in New York City. Plus, kids weren’t in a hurry to grow up until 12 -13 years old. Nowadays, kids start learning things I never did at the tender age of 3. My class was a nice size of 20 kids or under. I am going away from topic. Anyway, school is where the kids influence each other and the kids learn each other’s habits as well as bring habits from home to school. These influences have a lasting imprint in the young mind. You carry this with you in life because this is the developing stage of a child.
Fashion was influenced by each other. In school, there were dress styles that all the kids like to copy. If you didn’t wear the same or similar items to the crowd, you were laughed at. In the worst case, picked on. For example, my mom handmade my clothes and gave me my own hair cuts. Boy, I was laughed at every week because the cuts were very odd or the clothes I wore were made out of material my mom had hanging around which was not in trend. I had a new surprise for my classmates all the time.
We now have fast fashion which is a great way to get people to purchase. Not everyone wears the same thing but, majority of people do buy according to what everyone else wears to not stand out.
Media is a big influence. Not as much before MTV in the 90s which began this social media culture. Now, its huge. Negatively and positively. I will discuss the negatives since this article is about negativity. In the 90’s magazines were just as popular as television. Magazines had all the advertisements for enhancing beauty. The popular magazines in the 90’s were Seventeen magazine and other beauty magazines especially for the school crowd. Oh yes, and the popular entertainment magazines which I can’t remember. Tiger beats?
The advertising influenced a certain type of skin and a certain type of beauty to be accepted. Following trends ranging from toys to makeup trends was a thing. It still is a thing thanks to the 90’s. Great for the economy but, not great for mindsets.
Even today, social media still influence appearances, clothing styles, trends of all types including home style, music styles, and et cetera. We learn to compare ourselves to each other and look down on those who do not look similar or have similar. You do not have to look the same, just fit in the mold.
For example, having certain items will show you have a certain status in the world. Luxury goods or mass amounts of items display material wealth. The media shows how good it is to have material wealth. What it means to you and your family. Especially those with a humble upbringing, people feel good with wealth. Families want to see success formed by their children. Those who have less aim to buy high brands to follow this ideal.
Thanks to Covid, a former not-so-popular movement(the minimalism lifestyle) by millennials has formed which is a whole different post.
Am I forgetting something?
Our environment shapes our thought patterns in: beauty, material wealth/goods, and social beliefs. For me, this in turn formed my self-love/hate relationship, my negative patterns in wealth, my patterns in love, and relationships with the people around me.
The best step to changing negativity is taking action.
“Action always beats intention.“
Taking steps to see joy in life.
This means changing perspective.
Any negative thoughts have to be changed out with positive ones.
I have a hard time doing it on my own so I use affirmations for assistance. They are a great tool to use to form new thought patterns. How I do it is I acknowledge these thoughts. Once they pass, I try to repeat an affirmation.
The mind is set on a thought pattern once it is constantly repeated. However, it doesn’t mean you can’t change it. I take this into consideration in every situation I experience. If I feel my normal negative feelings come up in a situation, I try to form a new positive thought despite what I feel. It is extremely uncomfortable. Especially, when you are doing this in public in a Covid world, and you are standing around thinking. Externally, you can look like a nut. I continue to push forward, haha.
Anyway, letting your negative thoughts pass and move onto positive ones. It doesn’t have to be stressful. Repetition creates pattern. Eventually, it will get there.
Being thankful for simple things in life is a wonderful way to appreciate the best things in life.
The act of being present and conscious of your thought patterns is the first step to changing from negative to positive.
Taking small steps into healing yourself is a great way to begin being a whole new person. I am still going along. I am not 90% positive. More like 45% positive from 2%. This is a huge improvement for me. I continue to practice methods I know to improve my positivity and seek out new perspectives through podcasts, videos and blog articles. All of them sum up to, action is better than no action. There is no change if you do not work on it.