NOTE: I started on this post yesterday but, I didn’t feel motivated to finish it until after watching a talk by “HINDZ” on Youtube. He is awesome.
It’s been a while since my last post. I have been busy but, today I thought I would share my point of progress.
This process has been tough for me. It did take me many months to get to the point I am at.
I am confused if I am still going through the dark knight of the soul or if I am more in the healing side of things.
I am so glad I have a free time to be home doing this because the outside world would interfere with internal processing of this healing. I distract easily by external situations but, who doesn’t get distracted? This inner healing is something where you have to really tap into yourself and understand yourself.
In between this healing I do try to play with the energies and see if I can manifest. I have been practicing manifesting lightly. Not the intense methods people talking about such as the 555 Method. or the 3-6-9 method. Just the close my eyes, think about what I want method and see if it comes. It is fun. However, I didn’t get to manifest. It is most likely in process like I am in process of healing. I will know when I reached a better higher self.
My energy is still up and down. I try to stay in a high vibration using methods I have discussed in my previous posts. It is hard. My process is a long one. I think I have to come to terms with that. There is something that I am not completely learning which blocks me from manifesting.
My current journey is to continue healing myself. I went through a pivotal moment in my life that “woke” me up. I saw where I was in life and how much of a wreck it is. I began my journey to understand myself better and to really analyze things about myself.
My negative habits created so many situations in my life where I felt I had no control over. I felt things were happening to me. After seeing things in a better light, I see that I was letting things happen to me while sitting on the sidelines. I let things happen on autopilot and only stirred things to the negative side of it all.
At this point I am going through the following:
- Forgiveness- is tough. I am at a better place yet, when I think of my past I do still have ill feelings rising from my heart.
- Letting go- as in releasing the past. This goes with forgiveness. Pain still rises from my heart and I know I haven’t released everything.
- And then there is the letting go- that means trust and let the Universe take over has been hard for me. Most likely due to the manifesting I keep trying to manifest!
- Letting go of control (and go with the flow) which goes along with the first two(I should stop trying to (“test my manifesting”). This is most likely blocking my manifesting.
- Working on a higher love vibration. I am up and down with this one. I feel the way my energy affects my world around me. For example, the way my energy feels when people approach me. The way people react to me. I still have my bad days. Lately, since I am busy, I have tired days where I do not focus on my energy. Focusing energy to create a feeling of peace within despite what is happening around you.
- Staying positive- this tags along number 5, I am up and down with this one because I do still let my emotions get carried away. Still working on keeping emotions positive which starts with thoughts. My thoughts still go back to old negative habits. It is a process!
- Gratitude- I am inconsistent with this. It is important to feel gratitude and be aware of all the positives in life. It helps you appreciate your life the way it is. It helps you feel how things are as they are supposed to be. However, my other projects distract me. I have to go back to focusing on the simple things.
There are times when old past memories come back.
Mostly of the unpleasant ones that is.
At first, I was alarmed and thought, “I am going back to my old self”.
I now realize it is okay to have these thoughts come up.
Acknowledge it and continue to move forward. From here, it has to be all about moving forward.
The Four Agreements
I read about the four agreements and it helps staying in a positive mindset. I have been breaking them. I become aware of that and then try again.
There are many books about them but, here is an general idea of the four agreements.
- Be Impeccable with your word- Speak with Integrity
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
I have to remember that I am in progress. Although, I am uncomfortable at times, still continue to adjust and grow. This is the keyword- growth.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop”. – Confucius