Battling Anxiety…

Photo by David Jakab on

I had plans for a different type of post but, I’ve been handling my own anxiety. This anxiety has started a couple years ago. It was intensified because my so-called “friend” put fear in me and would constantly remind me how much I was trapped. She used every bit of my faulty personality to use it against me. Which is the main reason I got into this self help journey. If someone who I thought cared for me can use my own weakness against me than I am not owning my power. NO one should have any control over you!

I’ve learned to calm myself down with my meditation. However, I have been slacking on it. Therefore, my anxiety came back. Full force. Once my mind enters this fear/fight or flight mentality, my imagination takes me all over the place. Not good either. And with these Anti-Asian stuff going on, it hasn’t helped.

I thought to myself it’s either I stay put and let the fear take over. Or the other option is go outside since the weather is slowly becoming nice. The weather is on and off. Warm and then cold and now warm again. This weather warming up again is perfect timing for me to take a walk outside.

I take the chance and went outside. Walking in the warm sun by the trees in my neighborhood is the medicine I needed. A nice walk with nature. There is no one waiting for me and there is no danger outside my house. I was fortunately safe. Everything is all in my head.

There was the occasional man trying to get a reaction from me. Another thing in this world that is old besides racism is sexism. Men like to intimidate a women especially if she is alone and trying to enjoy her day. And I being Asian adds to the need for these low vibe men to “act up”. I do not respond. I take a Tao approach because it is unnecessary to react to a low vibe person. Their whole point is to bring you down with them. To get a reaction out of you will satisfy that urge to bring you down. This satisfaction allows them to do it more and more confidently. Therefore, I do not react. I do however, want to stick up my middle finger. It is a very New York thing to do. You get cursed out for being an imbecile or get the finger. From what I hear in the news, I do not want to test people’s limits. So, I go about my day.

I have been actively working on switching up my negativity to positivity. I realize that this is a lesson that I am still learning. Switching it up to positivity using gratitude.

I have been lucky my walks are secure. I am thankful for the weather and the beautiful freedom to enjoy the walk around the neighborhood.

This is the only way to defeat the dark which is to bring in light.

Thank you for reading. I am grateful to have wonderful readers! Have a pleasant day!

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