Grateful Heart

Photo by Hernan Pauccara on Pexels.com

Then.

My heart has been broken so many times. And not because of love. From the lack of it. Life broke my heart many times growing up. My life has always felt empty. Like something was supposed to be in it. I never understood what was supposed to be in it. Maybe that is where things went wrong for me.


My parents broke my heart. They were never there for me emotionally. My family and I are distant. Even though we live with each other. Friends broke my heart. Things would fall through for me. I would always have blocks in life. I broke my own heart as well. I gave up on myself. That is when your vibes are lower than, I do not know, low. I had no interest in anything in life. I was always angry and I never understood why. I became the black sheep in my family and still am.

NOW.

I am learning to appreciate small things. I never appreciated a tiny thing.

This spiritual journey has taught me to appreciate just being able to wake up in the morning. I used to work overnight shifts at a previous job so, that has shifted my body’s sleeping rhythm. That was about two years ago. I still haven’t been able to change my sleep time back. I am so accustomed to odd hours. Anyway, when I wake up 6:00am it is a blessing for me. To be able to see the sun come up and really enjoy the peace in the morning is wonderful. This last year that COVID has afforded me blessed my body with healing. I am more in tune with myself and my mind(plus sleep patterns).


Tiny blessings. They are things I never even thought to appreciate before.


There are many minimalists documenting their lifestyle on Youtube. One in particular. “Heal Your Living” is her channel. She really has opened my eyes to just simple appreciation. Although, her way of living is too extreme for me, I appreciate her way to seeing all the basic things in life as blessings. She amplifies all the simple and cherishes it. From gardening, yoga, sitting in the park, she appreciates life experience over things.


When I started my manifesting process it was to draw in more money into my life for luxury. And more love. However, after I did a major purge last year of throwing out and donating 50% of what I owned, I refocused on a more simplified life. Yes, I would like money but not for luxury purposes as I wanted before. Just to have freedom to live the peaceful life I aim for. I still like nice things but, in smaller amounts. It is less to look after, less cleaning because I try to stay neat and less thought on items.

Update: I wrote this post a couple weeks ago so, I am adding a new note here: I recently did some spring shopping so, guilty of item worshiping again. I didn’t go on a crazy rampage but, I upgraded to wireless headphones- the LG Meridian. And some pieces of clothing for the spring and summer. A salt lamp. I also have upgraded items to suit a low-waste and minimalism lifestyle I adapted in my journey which I will talk about.


Becoming aware of this need to live a more minimal life, I also became aware of the waste I had produced on this Earth and want to decrease plastic waste. I never realized it but, I bought too many things I didn’t really need and wasted so much. As a kid, I learned “Reuse, Reduce, Recycle” but, never double thought my lifestyle until now. How come I never thought of bar soaps instead of liquid soap in plastic bottles? My mom used to purchase bar soaps when I was a kid. It was economical for her and less plastic. My mom would reuse containers so they were not thrown away. She would have some kind of use for them. She used rags instead of paper towels. I forgot about all those things.


To show more appreciation to the Earth I am slowly working on reducing waste. I wished I can tell large companies to do this as well. Large companies produce the fastest waste. Loads of plastic. And for food wise, when things expire, more is thrown away then sold.

I may go in depth of my minimalism journey in a future post but, this is it so far.

Summary

My gratitude is towards life experience and the lessons I am learning for myself. My self-healing journey has been a big lesson to help me heal and learn to accept myself for who I am. Not hate it. To move forward in life using purposeful actions and acknowledge a meaningful present. I aim to live a life I can be proud of and not sit and watch it pass me by. It is hard to do this with Covid but, this is a goal I aim for. My latest aim is to rely less on physical things yet, have enough to assist in a quality life I should have. It is still a process for me. I am dealing with my own anxieties as I discussed in my previous post. I still want items. I still feel anger when I go over events of the past. I am aware of a messy healing process. I continue to heal and I am thankful to have the time for that.

My current external life do not represent what my mental process is and my desires however, I am thankful to have a wonderful home, heat, a warm bed, electricity to power up my laptop to write this post, a family that cares for my well-being despite our unhappy past together, and a second chance to live a life that I mindfully create. These are my current blessings. They are absolutely lovely!

And thankful to have readers follow my journey.

Thank you for reading!

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