I am so glad to say I am at a healing stage after going through a self-healing journey or shadow journey. It didn’t take too long for me because I was aware of these issues I had but I always ignored it. I’ve ignored my issues for decades. There were points in my life where I didn’t want to be on this Earth anymore but, only because I never faced myself. My issues built up into this ball of overwhelming dislike for myself. All I have to do is melt the ball by healing.
Recently, I have been having more dreams about my recent past. It is unresolved because I will never receive an apology from those people that manipulated me. I have to learn to let it go. From last year until now, I have been recovering from losing these people examining the wrongs they have done to me and what I did to create this in my life. I didn’t examine certain aspects about myself because that hurt me the most. My self image. One of the manipulative friends would pick at me and say how I do not examine my self image versus the image of how other’s perceive me. She has gone to depths to manipulate that in me psychologically. One way was the lack of love I receive from others. She was very good at picking at me with that.
My recent nightmares have been about my self image and the love I have for myself. I have been neglecting it all this time. The nightmares kept repeating the same topic but, different scenarios. The dreams are bringing back some pain and I have been unwilling to look at. It is painful when someone tells you, “people don’t like you because“. Of course, part of it is using psychology on me but, a lot of it hits home. You believe it more when you lack care of yourself. “People don’t really like me because…” starts to sound solid when you already dislike yourself. Of course, it is not this person’s job to pick at my inner self but, this person felt she had a right because she was a perfectionist and can see people’s wrongs.
To be honest, I am not sure why I let a person like that enter my life. Someone who criticizes you because they are your friend is not really a friend. Someone who calls criticism truth is not a friend. Especially when they use it against you. I admit, I was harsh a person in the past but, that is not what I deserve.
I had a post ready to be published about a guide towards a shadow journey using myself as an example but, I feel it may be too negative and not what I want to put out there. I want more positive postings to encourage shadow work. Shadow journeys are also unique to everyone. Everyone is at different levels of life and no one person experiences the same. The thing that is similar is that we all go through trials and tribulations to get us to learn our lessons to move onward to the next phase in our lives. So, I decided not to post that guide. Instead, I will write about being aware of our thoughts.
This is important in our shadow journey and when you are ready to move out of the shadow and move to the next phase which is healing. Healing is not a phase where okay, there is no more work for me to do. There is many different levels of healing. Only you know where you are at. And even after shadow work, there’s always more learning, more lessons throughout life.
Now, our thoughts come in. After going through your awakening your intuition will guide you. Your awakening is the pivotal moment that causes you to review your life and all things that lead to that moment. These are your troubles. Maybe you, like me, ignored it and hid it underneath the surface most of your life. This awakening will not allow you to turn away anymore. You have to face all the issues you have hid away.
Your intuition will let you know what you need to heal. Sometimes it is many different areas in your life. In my situation I have to grow up all over again. Because I ignored myself during my teenage years, during my twenties and early thirties. Is a hard lesson starting over again, but this is the healing that is right for me.
During shadow work you will go through a heavy amount of emotions. It is okay. It is okay to cry your heart out. Release it and write it in a journal. I have written about keeping a journal in my past posts. It is so important. And at the end of the year you can look back and reflect at where you were to where you are currently. It’s an excellent way to review your progress.
During shadow work your mind will race especially during highly emotional triggers. A good way to capture your thoughts is write a bullet list of your thoughts, emotions and come back to it when you are ready to write in depth.
When you are healing, your thoughts will give you an idea of where you are in your inner world. I am constantly noticing how I fight my negativity. Now, I allow it to flow because fighting creates more resistance. Be kind to yourself and to your thoughts. I notice when I force myself to shut out negative thoughts, I am more tense and my body is more stressed. Allow it to flow. Acknowledge your thoughts even if they are negative. Acknowledge it as a bystander and then, work on shifting to a more positive thought. If you understand why you are negative then you become aware of how to shift yourself into a more positive state. This is so important in healing. Rather than distracting yourself, you are aware of your thoughts. Allow yourself to think it and slowly shift your thinking.
I like to use meditation to flow out of a negative state but sometimes you do not have time for meditation. For example, you can be walking the grocery aisle. Someone just bumps into you for no reason when the aisle is empty and then your inner world is disrupted with angry feelings. Be aware of your thoughts and breathe. Awareness will allow you to act to calm those thoughts. Once you calm down, you can act accordingly.
“Never make a decision when you are angry and never make a promise when you are happy”
In a healing journey, your thoughts will be your guide. Thoughts leads to more things to learn from or heal from. Maybe a random thought is something from your past that you forgot about. Why did it turn up? What else were you thinking around this random thought? Sometimes it is simply random. I would write it down and see if anything else pop up later to make sense of it.
Healing is random and not in order. One day you are good and a week later, you can spiral down again. That is okay. Once you are aware of this you can see what patterns happened when you spiraled down. And if you go down, do not think you are reverting back to your old self. I thought this when I was healing. What you do with this awareness that makes it healing is acting on your emotions but creating tactics that keeps you healing.
I understand what I must do to get myself out of my old habits. This doesn’t mean I am completely changed. I still have old habits that I continue on with. The ones that I must change in myself are the ones I am currently working on.
I still have more healing to do since my dreams keep repeating the same things. My mind is telling me to work on my self love. I have been neglecting it long enough. This will be a difficult one. But, no doubt I can overcome it. However long it takes. Healing is a process. I’ve learned so much in the past year’s journey. I hope you well along your journey.
Take care and be love!