Nothing like fresh flowers from the garden for the morning! It’s a good morning!!
Very excited about my tiger lillies from the garden! Anyway, onward with the post…
To make sense of my previous random blabbing posts, here is a longer one to make sense of them.
I’ve learned in the past year that I have so much to build on.
Now 2021 has been a journey to build myself up after realizing how much my life was upside down. This is more internal work.
I am short on self- love.
I am short on loving others.
I am short on self worth.
I am short of self- esteem.
I am full of negativity.
I am seeing the glass half full on many aspects of my life.
I can work on all this one by one. Although my mind is overwhelmed when I think about how to work on these one by one.
So, I’ve decided to just learn to be content with myself.
Learn to be happy in the moment.
Things are not how I want things to be but that is okay.
I restarted my life what, last year?
As time progress, I have to let myself learn and grow. As I keep saying to myself.
Yet, why do I feel sad about all of that? Patience is a virtue and I am afraid I don’t have it. I am learning to have patience. Learning to forget my age and let life experience guide me. Fresh start from an older age.
So many things I want to say to my younger self!!!!
I am glad though I didn’t take more people down with me along my destructive path. What I went through was rough. Being manipulated is not a proud thing to say about my life accomplishments but, truly thankful no one else was a part of what I went through. And with my destructive past personality, it would have been more disaster.
To come to think of it. It felt like I was part of a cult that I got out of recently. It was two friends manipulating me. A small cult.
Amazingly, I am in a place of healing. I never thought this day would come 7 years ago! Still upset of the past. I had 6 years lost to ridiculous mind games.
Mind games with money.
Mind games with love.
Mind games with items, things.
Breaking me down little by little, piece by piece. To ensure I had nothing left of myself. Wonderful friends, eh? My mind still keeps the “trauma” fresh when I get angry over old memories. Still healing, hehehe.
As hard as I try, I still have bursts of anger and resentment towards old events. There are days when I am better. I realize the value in those, I’ll call it, “hard lessons” now. For example, I have a new viewpoint in possessions. I am no longer attached to things. Things do not make a person. Your core values make you who you are! I still have material wants but, I am practicing worth in myself. I used to think possessions will make me liked and blend in.
I am relearning values that strengthen me as a person.
In my past that led up to being manipulated I let myself believe in all the wrong things such as money and things leads to happiness. That is a false belief. Value can be found in strong relationships or just gratitude towards life.
I am practicing letting go and bringing in good loving vibes. Still working on more letting go.
On better days, I work on my good vibes and manifestations. My life is currently a blank canvas. I am intentionally seeking positive outcomes for my future! Not giving up!
And anyone else on a journey of either love, soul searching or any other journey, I hope you are growing and becoming a better version of yourself as well!