At the beginning of the month- I looked at my finances for the previous month and whoa! I definitely spent! Wow! I didn’t know so much was going out of my pocket because I didn’t care. I just purchased to my hearts content with some restraint. I did some summer wardrobe updating and bought this and that.
It also hit me that I spent that amount last month not on anyone else. No one manipulated me to spend that much. It was my own choice! Now it’s been a little over a year later, freedom from my manipulative friends feel so good! It still feels new.
My mind still plays old memories like a movie. The memories activating old wounds that I feel deeply but I am learning how to get past it and become aware of my present day! My present day is very awesome! I may not have consistent income where I feel comfortable and safe financially as I used to when I was employed but, still feel abundant! My spending from last month proves it! 😀
I still have nightmares and am battling negative emotions that still come to the surface, my journey is still ongoing. To have what I want to manifest, I cant have room for the old. The old has to be released so I can open up to the new. Until then, I won’t have many things manifest yet.
I am working on small victories. Overcoming my shadow self. Constantly I am battling negative emotions. Negative mindset. Maybe some slight depression but, I remember to bring love into my life. My family reminded me of how much they care for me is a great gesture in their way they are always there. That is a simple thing maybe I do take for granted.
I say I am alone in the world but I do have people around me. May not be the best/closest relationships but, I do have a support system. I am around love!
When I doubt, I look for things to be grateful for. And to be honest, sometimes my depression still overrides the things I am grateful for. When they say, you can’t be grateful and sad at the same time- I think I can!
“Someone is praying for what I have” is a saying I read somewhere. One of those Pinterest quotes I read to inspire myself daily. I still look for the positives no matter how negative it gets for me. That’s the only way to remind myself of the good in my life. Yes, it’s not the life I want. But this moment isnt forever, I am sure some changes will come about sooner or later.
There are moments where I do smile while sitting by myself pondering about my life. Some things that has happened to me randomly puts a smile on my face. For example, an adorable corgi running over to me at the park a couple weeks ago wanting to play with me. My heart melted for the dog! So loving and so happy to see me! I was just a stranger at the park! These moments reminds me how being grateful daily really can override those bad thoughts.
Those struggling with negativity/positivity I hope you try a daily grateful journal. I have one which I do forget to write in it daily. Maybe that’s why my negativity returns. With faith, something I manifested will come. The Universe is waiting for me to work on myself. I aim to do just that constantly. Daily.
I do feel some slight changes on the way. Or is that the feeling of faith?
Some grateful things in my life of course is the usual, warm bed in a home that provides warmth or cold from the outside elements. I have a shower. Thankful for fresh water.
I am thankful to have 3 meals a day! And snacks in between!
I am thankful for the support of my family. Without them, I would be truly alone!
And when I think about it, I am abundant. My needs are met. I am slowly learning how to appreciate all that I currently have and not focus on materials. I do not speak of it here but that includes my crystal collection. A portion of my spending last month went into that. I was obsessed thinking healing with stones will truly change me. When in fact, true healing is showing belief in myself and what already exists in my life. I am surrounded by stuff that makes me happy. I do not need any more! I am grateful for this realization!
P.S. —- of course, I will continue my crystal meditations. I do believe the crystal energies assist me in my healing.