Clearing away challenges

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Just when you think it’s over a new challenge pops up. I have been going through my days with anxiety lately. I even feed my anxiety with caffeine which creates a bigger ball of anxiety in my chest. I know how caffeine works for me which is not good and I still go for that cup of coffee. It just smells so good! The smell of delicious coffee is so addicting for me.

My problems always seem to be minor or as my family sees it, I dig myself in this hole. Then, I must do it daily to myself. I have a beautiful day and then a challenging following day. Makes me think how I should enjoy the better days more! My family sees me as a screw up which is understandable but, it keeps me from turning to them for help.

So, I challenge myself to go through this alone.

Okay not really, I tried to turn to someone else for advice but, that failed. It is my life and I should make my own choice. This is a good lesson for me to learn how deal with difficulties with confidence. Mentally, I am thinking, “Gosh, why do I have to deal with this?

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Taking nature walks to clear my head. This cold weather makes it harder to go outside for walks. I love walks because it is exercise and getting out the house clears away my negative thoughts. I still try to make it outside before the weather hits 20 degrees. I have to push myself to get out the door. I tell myself that it will help me mentally.

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My next anxiety attack came on this evening. So, I decided to meditate to keep my anxiety from getting worse. Breathing exercises does amazing things in calming the mind. I did a 10 minute breathing exercise to bring me back to a relaxed state. I also hope, as I do this breathing exercise, I can find some wisdom to handle my current challenge.

What is this challenge? Another manipulative old boss contacting me regarding some old business. He was worse than the boss I recently quit. Is there a relation between the two? Hmm. He took advantage of his power and tried to manipulate me. One thing I hate about telling people I have no kids and no husband is that people think I am an open case for easy manipulation. I have to admit, I opened myself up to this type of behavior in the past.

In other words, I allowed it.

He tried to get what he wanted which was try to wrap me around his finger. I am not into confrontation or a good talker for that matter so, I prefer to stay away. But, two years later, he tries to do it again through an email. Well, this this I have to drop the “business” and let it go. I do not want what you have to offer if you want to play games for me to get it. That means I am better off without this “business”.

That is my decision. Moving forward, my life is about having good things come into my life. This is a lesson on what is important to me and what is not. I am looking to attract better. Not these manipulative people seeking to hook onto to someone who they perceive as “weak”. I have alot of these types of people come into my life which is showing me to change all of that. I consistently bring in this energy. I am not looking for it yet, it continues to come to me.

I am looking for articles online and books on anything to change this energy. Let’s bring better.

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