Sunday Morning

Summer feeling morning!

Still lost…


I wanted to write about this before. Actually, the day after my last post which was my mother’s day post. Even though I have gone backwards into my negativity, I still see if I have a spark of the law of attraction in me. I happily asked for the Universe for something free. I can do free coffee but I already get free coffee with my dunkin app. So, I asked the Universe, “surprise me because I dont know what I need that can be free”.

Later on that day, I saw my parents for dinner. My mother presented to me a free $20 metrocard to use for public transportation. She received it but she doesn’t use public transportation as much as I do so, she gave it to me.

Wow! The law of attraction is always there.

I just never stay in a positive mode. (Add on: In order to attract more good to you, you have to be in positive mode. You have to be in state of openness which means be open to receiving good.)

A toxic work environment. My mom’s illness. Doing poorly in school but, I am still going to try. Just things just do not work out. All these things plus all the negative stuff going on in the world just keeps me down.

I am trying to reframe my mind.

I am fortunate enough to be able to listen to podcasts while I work. I am trying to reframe my mind but honestly, my powerful negative mind is constantly taking over. It’s a major battle in my head and sometimes, I do get sick of my own mindset.

Why did I allow myself come so far in this negativity? 

If I can reframe my mind and stick to it consistently, maybe I can find some resolution to my issues. Or maybe find a whole new path. I am looking for a better situation yet, I keep myself stuck where I am. 

How come? 

With the end of my semester coming to a close soon. I feel lighter and more free to be honest to go back to my spiritual practice. It’s tough because my surroundings are not helpful to my practice so my internal talk just follows my outside or external influences. This is a lesson in itself.

How do you practice self-love and protect my energy when the external forces brings these bad emotions? These emotions causes these bad thoughts that brings me down.

I am treated poorly lately by those around me. I also get into some negative situations which tells me how my internal world affects my external.

Sometimes, I have decent energy only if I am in the positive mode. I receive positivity back only  if my internal talk is good. My internal world. 

This acknowledgement allows me to revisit my internal world. It signals my brain, “it’s going back again. Your getting negative.” 

I’m trying to remind myself that life shouldn’t be only about my internal world. I believe the negative internal world brought my mom to this mental illness. 

I was embarrassed to name what she has but, here goes: 

She has schizophrenia with delusions. 

She is currently in her own battle. She had a hard life when I was growing up and it angers me that now she is at a comfortable place where she can be free and happy, a mental illness takes that away from her. 

She refuses to leave the house almost as if she is ashamed. She refuses to acknowledge that she has an illness. A denial I seen throughout my life. She always denied so many things. That angers me to. If you do not face things, then how do you overcome them? 

I took advantage this morning to take a walk. Get my energy flowing with nature. Just to help me walk off some frustrations. It feels great! I saw this word, “lost” and it made me think. Here I am writing about it. 

I am still on my quest in life using the law of attraction. My internal world still needs major work in order for my life to change. I haven’t had the energy to push myself outside my comfort zone. I am extremely stubborn. It’s also the reason why my life remains at a plateau. 

If only I can shove myself to start something. Just to leave my comfort zone. 

Thanks for reading! 

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