Back to the beginning: Refocusing my negativity to positivity

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on

My focus as late has been on getting back into the workforce. I didn’t focus too hard because my main priority was getting myself out of a negative loop again. My brain really likes to make me miserable. Well, I see where it takes me and that is not the direction I wish to go anymore. So, I am actively motivating myself to switch out of this mindset.

I had some setbacks that sort of put me in a bad mood for a while. I binged on netflix to try to drawn it out. While it was fun, I had to address the main issue. My emotions. I went back into meditation. I have to ground myself again. No more binging on netflix.

The hardest thing about being at your lowest point in life is breaking out of that negativity. I am back to where I was a year ago. I am full of negative thoughts telling me I am not worthy of a better job and any other negative beliefs.

So, I took action. I created a gratitude journal and a affirmations journal. I bought separate books to create them. One book for gratitude and one book for affirmations. As a daily exercise, I work on both books. At least 15 minutes to work on them. If I am feeling extra negative, I take longer to work on the books.

Some of the gratitude I wrote down reminded me of how blessed I still am. It may not put the negativity away immediately but, the more I listed of what I was grateful for, the more I was present and the more I became at ease. Its an excellent way of getting out of the mind (especially my mind) and reminding myself I am at peace around me. Being present is the best way to keep away from the negativity.

My affirmations journal is my physical way of shifting my negative thoughts out of my mind. I enter positive ones by repeatedly writing affirmations. Sometimes I create my own and sometimes I just copy affirmations from google searches. Repeating affirmations out loud wasn’t helping me. So, I changed the method on how I repeated affirmations.

It seemed to work. Meanwhile, I submitted resumes to places I felt I was qualified for. I randomly did it even though, I may not get a reply.

I was amazed this week to find a message from an employer asking me to go in for an interview. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out which is fine because during the interview, I felt management and I will not work well together. I had jobs in the past where management was horrible. No support. My management only took advantage of my work ethic. My coworkers as well. They would slack off because they knew I would do the work. I am no longer interested in toxic environments. Even during these tough times, I am going to be careful in my selection. This interview that I stressed out for reminded me of those old times at work. When you are the little guy at a company, you are expected to put out hard work without complaints. You are thrown multiple tasks to complete and expected to meet demands at top speed for minimum dollar. According to management, you are paid top dollar. If you do not meet the demands, you are “lazy”. If you do meet the demands, you are “expendable”. You are damned if you do. Damned if you don’t. I feel this is toxic. I can do the work, but I feel differently about that now. Maybe I am just reliving bitterness from old jobs. Regardless, I would like to change that.

My new manifesting objective is to manifest supportive and an awesome management team and coworkers. I am thankful of that interview because it reminded me that right now I am not interested in how many dollars I make. I am interested in the team I am surrounded by and the type of workplace environments I am looking for. Then the dollar is next.

Anyone manifesting career or work, I hope you are blown away by the awesome work you find or opportunities you find. Everyone deserves a better career path that supports them in every way.

To sum it up, my affirmations journal is my amazing helper as of late. Anyone else feeling negative, I suggest journal exercises. It’s an amazing way to focus your mind. It helps you focus your thoughts and purposely direct your thoughts. I have even been trying art journaling but, I am lacking the resources to be creative. So, I only create normal journals. For example, looking for material like magazines to create collages in my books. I am working on that.

To leave the negative mindset:

  1. Ground yourself. Be present and meditate. Stay calm and focus your mind. Stay focused even when things are out of your control. A focused mind helps you be creative.

2. Be thankful. Create a journal where you write 3-5 things you are grateful for during your day.

3. Repeat affirmations or create an affirmations journal. Journaling is a awesome exercise to help you out of a negative mind. It helps you focus your thought. It is a very effective tool.

My actual journals

4. It can be tough but, trust that the Universe will provide the best to you. Stay calm and know that better is on your way to you. The more you focus on this and trust it, the more it arrives. You can also listen to gratitude meditations. Shift your emotions towards positive even when things are not always great.


I am bouncing back from the last post about failure. I feel better. Actually, I took some time to think about a solution. I normally take a long time to bounce back from my negativity. I would dwell on these negative emotions for days which was draining and stressful. After that, I did nothing about it. I am choosing to change this about me. If there is a solution to a problem, than I shall seek it. Give myself some peace.

The stress in negativity raises cortisol levels which is not good for the body. Cortisol is released into your blood stream, raises blood pressure and heart rate. With raised blood pressure and heart rate, the body is now in “flight or fight” mode. I am home and cozy in my room. There should be no reason for me to be in this fight mode.

For manifesting, my negative emotions blocks me from attracting what I want. I had several attempts in the past in manifesting with little or no luck. I am not going to dwell on that but, use it as a teacher. I will go through my sadness and then part ways with it. Is there anyone who can overcome defeat so easily? Parting ways with those emotions will allow me to bring in good vibes. I allow myself to experience defeat and move on to the next.

The Law of Attraction and alignment

The Law of Attraction brings what you want once you align yourself to what you want to attract. If you want a soul family, you must be the qualities you look for in a soul family. Whether it is manifesting material wealth, manifesting a new career(important for me),manifesting a soulmate, a new house, a new car, and etc. To emotionally align yourself is to feel that high vibration.

The fastest way I can think of raising to that high vibration is meditating to a image you feel is inspiring. I think a happy beach photo with the sun shining bright in the sky is a good image to meditate with. Try playing with your energy to see if you can raise your own vibes. It should be fun. If you are a swimmer and it gives you peace to swim. Imagine that.

Photo by cottonbro on

The cow is random but, I found it amusing. Humor can help in raising vibes too.

or think about the happiest moment you had. Was it graduating? Was it getting a promotion? Was it having your first child born to the world? or as simple as learning a new skill.

Dark night of the soul

Up to this post, I wrote about my past patterns and all my negativity I had to deal with. It is a hard process. In spirituality, I went into the dark night of the soul. It is going through the dark side of yourself. For me, I see myself as a toxic person attracting what I did into my life. Manipulation and people who cross my boundaries. I let them cross it. I had to look into my negative habits such as emotional bursts of anger, depression, unmotivation, self-hate and recognize what made me this way. It was not easy. But, going back into my past and putting the broken pieces together was necessary for me.

I think I am still going through it. I now understand me better. I know how to calm my anxieties, my fears, soothe my emotions when I am triggered. I am aware my family still trigger my old self so, I have to stay away from them a little bit. However, I am still not in full control. I am much better at since I am in a quiet environment at home. I can practice more self-awareness at home. Maybe my peace away from the outside world is all I needed. The last few years, I worked two jobs in order to please manipulative friends while I was losing my soul. This break is much needed to recover myself and to heal.

“You are exactly where you need to be in your path”.

Why am I still not manifesting? I am still holding onto my old thoughts and emotions. They are so familiar to me. I hate to admit it but, it is a part of my safe zone. When I try something new, changing my thought patterns to a positive one brings me stress. I am still struggling with thinking positively. This is holding me back.

“Personal-growth work can be both exciting and scary, and may include the process of discovering disowned parts of the self, making peace with yourself, and becoming the best you that you can be. It is a journey to wholeness.”

The best thing about this inner work is understanding where my inner rage came from. I had no idea why I was so angry as a young child. I used to think I inherited it from my dad. He has an anger issue that he never fixed. Anyway, I now know how to change my thought patterns and when to change it. When I feel a negative emotion come up, I try to focus on something else to calm the emotion before changing the thought. For example, What makes me angry. Controlling my reaction when people anger me. I stop the emotion first. Then, I change the thought. I have been in complete hermit mode the last few months (since I am home alot more) so, I had plenty of time to process my old patterns.
It is time for me to practice my new thoughts and patterns. That is the true test of my change. Practice makes perfect.

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place but, nothing grows there.”

I am closer to alignment than I ever was. Going into the world with my new teachings will be difficult. It is out of my comfort zone but, I must do it in order to receive better. I deserve better than I ever received.

“A change of feeling is a change of destiny.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer