I see its almost a month since my last post. I have been busy with a new schedule. All that previous talk about finding a job, well, I finally found one. I am working and going to school so most of my time is used up. I am getting better at scheduling my time so, I finish my school work and have a free moment such as now to write here on my blog.
I am probably just going to vent during this blog or maybe just update about myself.
My new job has been treating me well so far. I am socially awkward so, I am not liked by all there but, hey its a job. I couldn’t believe I got the job since I have been waiting for so long for something decent to come along.
I manifested it by revisiting my needs in a job. I wrote out a list of what I was seeking in a job. After I was done, I let it go. I was feeling doubtful I would find something suitable for me but, I was staying hopeful I will find something close to my list. I continued on with my routine. And BAM! I get an email to go in for an interview when I least expected it.
On the day of the interview, I used the public bus to get to the interview. To my amazement, that ride was free for some reason. Whatever, the reason was, I was grateful. Was that a sign that the job was it for me? Is it possible a job could be the right fit for me? I have been searching for so long.
The Universe always has a way of sending you signs. That bus ride was a sign.
I doubted myself after the interview.
Then another, BAM! I get the job.
Whatever I am dealing with at my current job, I am still grateful. All jobs are not perfect since dealing with people can always become complicated. Many different personalities can conflict. Maybe my lesson is to learn how to deal with my social challenges in a work environment.
When I come home from work, I focus on my school. I am in school entirely online which is convenient. Technology can be amazing! Less travel, just focus on assignments. School is a challenge with full time work but, it is doable. Honestly, it’s also tiring. Why did I decide to take 3 classes?
My energy vibrations have been low. My body is constantly exhausted since I wake up 6:00am for work now instead of 10:00am. My mind and body is not at its strongest. Today, is the first day in a few weeks where I have a free moment after class work to go out, take a walk, enjoy a healthy meal made at home, have tea/coffee, dessert, do errands, and focus on my physical and spiritual self. Today is my day that I am bringing myself back to the self that I was before my schedule changed. I realized how rest is so important to maintain my high vibrations. I went from sleeping 8-10 hours(don’t judge-I love my sleep) to 5 hours during the week. If I am extremely tired, I will nap after work but, lose time for my class work. But, I chose my body first.
My meditation practice has gone. To my amazement, the hiring manager at my workplace is also a spiritual teacher. She offers meditation class on Fridays. What a connection! I am grateful. This is mostly when I have time to practice my meditations.
I remind myself today to put my energy into something creative or just let out my energy and I chose to write here on my blog and let people know what I am up to. Creativity keeps your spirit high and positive. It is an outlet. Channel that energy, let out the negative and create good vibes!
Anyway, stay love and light! Continue to manifest the life of your dreams one day at a time!!
My focus as late has been on getting back into the workforce. I didn’t focus too hard because my main priority was getting myself out of a negative loop again. My brain really likes to make me miserable. Well, I see where it takes me and that is not the direction I wish to go anymore. So, I am actively motivating myself to switch out of this mindset.
I had some setbacks that sort of put me in a bad mood for a while. I binged on netflix to try to drawn it out. While it was fun, I had to address the main issue. My emotions. I went back into meditation. I have to ground myself again. No more binging on netflix.
The hardest thing about being at your lowest point in life is breaking out of that negativity. I am back to where I was a year ago. I am full of negative thoughts telling me I am not worthy of a better job and any other negative beliefs.
So, I took action. I created a gratitude journal and a affirmations journal. I bought separate books to create them. One book for gratitude and one book for affirmations. As a daily exercise, I work on both books. At least 15 minutes to work on them. If I am feeling extra negative, I take longer to work on the books.
Some of the gratitude I wrote down reminded me of how blessed I still am. It may not put the negativity away immediately but, the more I listed of what I was grateful for, the more I was present and the more I became at ease. Its an excellent way of getting out of the mind (especially my mind) and reminding myself I am at peace around me. Being present is the best way to keep away from the negativity.
My affirmations journal is my physical way of shifting my negative thoughts out of my mind. I enter positive ones by repeatedly writing affirmations. Sometimes I create my own and sometimes I just copy affirmations from google searches. Repeating affirmations out loud wasn’t helping me. So, I changed the method on how I repeated affirmations.
It seemed to work. Meanwhile, I submitted resumes to places I felt I was qualified for. I randomly did it even though, I may not get a reply.
I was amazed this week to find a message from an employer asking me to go in for an interview. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out which is fine because during the interview, I felt management and I will not work well together. I had jobs in the past where management was horrible. No support. My management only took advantage of my work ethic. My coworkers as well. They would slack off because they knew I would do the work. I am no longer interested in toxic environments. Even during these tough times, I am going to be careful in my selection. This interview that I stressed out for reminded me of those old times at work. When you are the little guy at a company, you are expected to put out hard work without complaints. You are thrown multiple tasks to complete and expected to meet demands at top speed for minimum dollar. According to management, you are paid top dollar. If you do not meet the demands, you are “lazy”. If you do meet the demands, you are “expendable”. You are damned if you do. Damned if you don’t. I feel this is toxic. I can do the work, but I feel differently about that now. Maybe I am just reliving bitterness from old jobs. Regardless, I would like to change that.
My new manifesting objective is to manifest supportive and an awesome management team and coworkers. I am thankful of that interview because it reminded me that right now I am not interested in how many dollars I make. I am interested in the team I am surrounded by and the type of workplace environments I am looking for. Then the dollar is next.
Anyone manifesting career or work, I hope you are blown away by the awesome work you find or opportunities you find. Everyone deserves a better career path that supports them in every way.
To sum it up, my affirmations journal is my amazing helper as of late. Anyone else feeling negative, I suggest journal exercises. It’s an amazing way to focus your mind. It helps you focus your thoughts and purposely direct your thoughts. I have even been trying art journaling but, I am lacking the resources to be creative. So, I only create normal journals. For example, looking for material like magazines to create collages in my books. I am working on that.
To leave the negative mindset:
Ground yourself. Be present and meditate. Stay calm and focus your mind. Stay focused even when things are out of your control. A focused mind helps you be creative.
2. Be thankful. Create a journal where you write 3-5 things you are grateful for during your day.
3. Repeat affirmations or create an affirmations journal. Journaling is a awesome exercise to help you out of a negative mind. It helps you focus your thought. It is a very effective tool.
4. It can be tough but, trust that the Universe will provide the best to you. Stay calm and know that better is on your way to you. The more you focus on this and trust it, the more it arrives. You can also listen to gratitude meditations. Shift your emotions towards positive even when things are not always great.
Be your best before you manifest: A simple thing I manifested that I realized later: I am writing post after post for the last couple days and I love it! I have these ideas and I am excited to write these posts. Here goes:
A couple years ago, I deleted an image of a female reading on her big queen sized bed. I was manifesting with this image and had no idea. I have been wanting a bigger bed for so long. I love the space and freedom I feel with a larger bed. I feel mentally I have “outgrown” a small single bed. In the physical not really because I am short.
Some things are easier to manifest and some things take more dedication, internal work, goals and actions.
I created a vision board on my phone and kept photos of things I wanted in my photos album. One of them was an Asian female reading a book on her comfy and cozy queen size bed! She looked so relaxed and “in the moment”.
I didn’t even realize it but last year I decided to upgrade some furniture since I cleared out 50% of what I owned. I decluttered so much and downsized! I already live in a limited space however, I don’t want to be trapped with things all around me. I wanted to be clutter free and surrounded by things I love and know will use time and time again until I am ready to let it go. That was the reason for my declutter. Another reason was to release the old. I released toxic people from my life and wanted to reflect that in the items I owned in my space.
Moving along, towards the end of the year I ordered a full sized bed which is close to a queen sized bed. I got a foam mattress which feels like a cloud with a topper. If only I still had the image of that bed so I can compare it to the bed I have now. My bed looks similar to the picture I had on my phone.
What I did when I had the photo in my phone:
Years ago maybe a couple years ago. I kept looking at this photo daydreaming about a means to buy a bed to look like the photo. Years ago I was in a state of lack because I gave away my power to manipulative friends. That photo made me happy. I imagined how happy I would be if I was the girl in the photo reading mindlessly and peacefully.
I looked at it constantly to remind myself what I wanted. Especially that feeling of tranquility. I was looking to manifest money but that bed was something I liked looking at. It felt so calming every time I looked at it. “One day I will have this bed”.
I didn’t stress about having the bed. It was what I wanted but, at the time I was aware that maybe one day, somewhere in the future, I can have it but not then. I acknowledged that and released my thoughts to the Universe and never thought about it again.
In fact, one day I deleted it off my phone. I was thinking. It’s a couple of years now, is time to let it go. I completely released it and didn’t double think. I did constantly think about what I wanted which was a nice bed. I had no idea I was manifesting it.
This was a simple and easy thing to bring to life. Although, it took maybe 2-3 years to achieve. I supposed its a surprise from the Universe for releasing toxic people out of my life. Besides that, it is something I love currently.
This was a simple thing to manifest but it is possible. The other things I look for is still on the way to me. But, it takes time and effort.
Patience is one. Sometimes what you want doesn’t come right away. There is a lesson you must learn or something you have to do before you achieve something even as simple as a purchase. For me this was a change in my life before having this new thing came in. The change was releasing the people that do not belong in my life anymore.
Believing you can achieve it. I didn’t think I was going to buy the bed. Or ever change the layout of my room. I didn’t stress having the bed. I just felt the good feeling it would be to have this bed. Two years ago, I didn’t know my space would change. My bedroom appears so different than what it was a year ago. I cleared out so much and now I have defined sections of my bedroom. I have a bed. I have a dresser side. I have a work side where I have a small table by the window. Before my space was one big mess with a bed being on one side!
Some events have to take place before your goal is realized! Covid happened. Lockdown made me realize what I wanted in my life so I released toxic friendships happened. Pain and inner self-journey started.
And then there is action. Without action your manifesting is only a fantasy. Last year, I was able to take action, clear out my space and then get new furniture. It took a month to plan my decluttering. I had so much stuff which I didn’t realized until I bagged them all up. And then the redecorating happened afterwards which was satisfying. It didn’t happen all at once. It was a process but sooooooo satisfying!
What do you want to manifest? Do you have a vision?
Work on your vision. Believe it but do not stress yourself in having it. Good things do not come quickly. Something in you must shift before you can have that thing you want the most. The larger the goal the bigger the shift must be. There is something you have to realize in yourself. The realization is easier for some and harder for others. Regardless, be your best before you manifest! Clear out the old, outdated you and be your best self! Understand what you are looking for in your life. Narrow it down and focus on it. It will take time to get there. The Universe will do the rest.
Patience. The bigger your dream and longer you have to wait. Your vibes must match your manifesting dream. Sometimes that means changing not something in yourself but something outside of yourself. For me, manifesting this bed was removing toxic people to free my time to create a space for myself that I adore so much! It took me years to manage to do it. But when I did, the shift happened.
Don’t forget to take action. Write down your goals but do the work to realize them! Otherwise they will stay as dreams! You do not have to stress. If you do not know what you have to do to realize your dream manifestation, sometimes you have to release and trust the Universe.
Create goals and work on them to achieve your dream. Let the Universe do the rest! And one day it will happen. It will most likely hit you when you least expect it because you are busy working on your goal. You do not realize things are shifting and happening to suit your manifestation! So, do not give up.
Stressing when you are trying to vibrate higher is creating a belief that manifesting is hard. So have fun! If you are into it do a guided heart meditation! Good feelings from the heart will instantly shift you higher.
Sure, I manifested a small goal which is an item. Easy to get. But it wasn’t for me a couple years ago. I didn’t even know how it was going to happen and during Covid at that. It just happened. It took 2 major events in order for me to have this goal. Covid and an awakening during lockdown where I released toxic friends. I released the old that no longer suited my life and new came into my life. I’m still waiting on my bigger goals to appear in my life. But the big manifestations must be more amazing and more satisfying! Maybe I have more things to release or more things to realize about myself. I don’t know but what I do know is that sometimes the best is for last right?
There will always be bad things going on but the main thing is to see the light in the world and not the dark. Overcome the negativity.
NOTE: I started on this post yesterday but, I didn’t feel motivated to finish it until after watching a talk by “HINDZ” on Youtube. He is awesome.
It’s been a while since my last post. I have been busy but, today I thought I would share my point of progress.
This process has been tough for me. It did take me many months to get to the point I am at.
I am confused if I am still going through the dark knight of the soul or if I am more in the healing side of things.
I am so glad I have a free time to be home doing this because the outside world would interfere with internal processing of this healing. I distract easily by external situations but, who doesn’t get distracted? This inner healing is something where you have to really tap into yourself and understand yourself.
In between this healing I do try to play with the energies and see if I can manifest. I have been practicing manifesting lightly. Not the intense methods people talking about such as the 555 Method. or the 3-6-9 method. Just the close my eyes, think about what I want method and see if it comes. It is fun. However, I didn’t get to manifest. It is most likely in process like I am in process of healing. I will know when I reached a better higher self.
My energy is still up and down. I try to stay in a high vibration using methods I have discussed in my previous posts. It is hard. My process is a long one. I think I have to come to terms with that. There is something that I am not completely learning which blocks me from manifesting.
My current journey is to continue healing myself. I went through a pivotal moment in my life that “woke” me up. I saw where I was in life and how much of a wreck it is. I began my journey to understand myself better and to really analyze things about myself.
My negative habits created so many situations in my life where I felt I had no control over. I felt things were happening to me. After seeing things in a better light, I see that I was letting things happen to me while sitting on the sidelines. I let things happen on autopilot and only stirred things to the negative side of it all.
At this point I am going through the following:
Forgiveness- is tough. I am at a better place yet, when I think of my past I do still have ill feelings rising from my heart.
Letting go- as in releasing the past. This goes with forgiveness. Pain still rises from my heart and I know I haven’t released everything.
And then there is the letting go- that means trust and let the Universe take over has been hard for me. Most likely due to the manifesting I keep trying to manifest!
Letting go of control (and go with the flow) which goes along with the first two(I should stop trying to (“test my manifesting”). This is most likely blocking my manifesting.
Working on a higher love vibration. I am up and down with this one. I feel the way my energy affects my world around me. For example, the way my energy feels when people approach me. The way people react to me. I still have my bad days. Lately, since I am busy, I have tired days where I do not focus on my energy. Focusing energy to create a feeling of peace within despite what is happening around you.
Staying positive- this tags along number 5, I am up and down with this one because I do still let my emotions get carried away. Still working on keeping emotions positive which starts with thoughts. My thoughts still go back to old negative habits. It is a process!
Gratitude- I am inconsistent with this. It is important to feel gratitude and be aware of all the positives in life. It helps you appreciate your life the way it is. It helps you feel how things are as they are supposed to be. However, my other projects distract me. I have to go back to focusing on the simple things.
There are times when old past memories come back.
Mostly of the unpleasant ones that is.
At first, I was alarmed and thought, “I am going back to my old self”.
I now realize it is okay to have these thoughts come up.
Acknowledge it and continue to move forward. From here, it has to be all about moving forward.
The Four Agreements
I read about the four agreements and it helps staying in a positive mindset. I have been breaking them. I become aware of that and then try again.
There are many books about them but, here is an general idea of the four agreements.
Be Impeccable with your word- Speak with Integrity
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t make assumptions
Always do your best
I have to remember that I am in progress. Although, I am uncomfortable at times, still continue to adjust and grow. This is the keyword- growth.
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop”. – Confucius
I am bouncing back from the last post about failure. I feel better. Actually, I took some time to think about a solution. I normally take a long time to bounce back from my negativity. I would dwell on these negative emotions for days which was draining and stressful. After that, I did nothing about it. I am choosing to change this about me. If there is a solution to a problem, than I shall seek it. Give myself some peace.
The stress in negativity raises cortisol levels which is not good for the body. Cortisol is released into your blood stream, raises blood pressure and heart rate. With raised blood pressure and heart rate, the body is now in “flight or fight” mode. I am home and cozy in my room. There should be no reason for me to be in this fight mode.
For manifesting, my negative emotions blocks me from attracting what I want. I had several attempts in the past in manifesting with little or no luck. I am not going to dwell on that but, use it as a teacher. I will go through my sadness and then part ways with it. Is there anyone who can overcome defeat so easily? Parting ways with those emotions will allow me to bring in good vibes. I allow myself to experience defeat and move on to the next.
The Law of Attraction and alignment
The Law of Attraction brings what you want once you align yourself to what you want to attract. If you want a soul family, you must be the qualities you look for in a soul family. Whether it is manifesting material wealth, manifesting a new career(important for me),manifesting a soulmate, a new house, a new car, and etc. To emotionally align yourself is to feel that high vibration.
The fastest way I can think of raising to that high vibration is meditating to a image you feel is inspiring. I think a happy beach photo with the sun shining bright in the sky is a good image to meditate with. Try playing with your energy to see if you can raise your own vibes. It should be fun. If you are a swimmer and it gives you peace to swim. Imagine that.
The cow is random but, I found it amusing. Humor can help in raising vibes too.
or think about the happiest moment you had. Was it graduating? Was it getting a promotion? Was it having your first child born to the world? or as simple as learning a new skill.
Dark night of the soul
Up to this post, I wrote about my past patterns and all my negativity I had to deal with. It is a hard process. In spirituality, I went into the dark night of the soul. It is going through the dark side of yourself. For me, I see myself as a toxic person attracting what I did into my life. Manipulation and people who cross my boundaries. I let them cross it. I had to look into my negative habits such as emotional bursts of anger, depression, unmotivation, self-hate and recognize what made me this way. It was not easy. But, going back into my past and putting the broken pieces together was necessary for me.
I think I am still going through it. I now understand me better. I know how to calm my anxieties, my fears, soothe my emotions when I am triggered. I am aware my family still trigger my old self so, I have to stay away from them a little bit. However, I am still not in full control. I am much better at since I am in a quiet environment at home. I can practice more self-awareness at home. Maybe my peace away from the outside world is all I needed. The last few years, I worked two jobs in order to please manipulative friends while I was losing my soul. This break is much needed to recover myself and to heal.
“You are exactly where you need to be in your path”.
Why am I still not manifesting? I am still holding onto my old thoughts and emotions. They are so familiar to me. I hate to admit it but, it is a part of my safe zone. When I try something new, changing my thought patterns to a positive one brings me stress. I am still struggling with thinking positively. This is holding me back.
“Personal-growth work can be both exciting and scary, and may include the process of discovering disowned parts of the self, making peace with yourself, and becoming the best you that you can be. It is a journey to wholeness.”
The best thing about this inner work is understanding where my inner rage came from. I had no idea why I was so angry as a young child. I used to think I inherited it from my dad. He has an anger issue that he never fixed. Anyway, I now know how to change my thought patterns and when to change it. When I feel a negative emotion come up, I try to focus on something else to calm the emotion before changing the thought. For example, What makes me angry. Controlling my reaction when people anger me. I stop the emotion first. Then, I change the thought. I have been in complete hermit mode the last few months (since I am home alot more) so, I had plenty of time to process my old patterns. It is time for me to practice my new thoughts and patterns. That is the true test of my change. Practice makes perfect.
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place but, nothing grows there.”
I am closer to alignment than I ever was. Going into the world with my new teachings will be difficult. It is out of my comfort zone but, I must do it in order to receive better. I deserve better than I ever received.
“A change of feeling is a change of destiny.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
However, the process of manifesting is different than you think. A lot of it has to do with your mindset. If you have a positive mindset and happy, positive feelings, you can attract so many great things to you. The Universe will grant you everything that is of your highest good!
FYI: if you read anywhere on this blog and there is weird “woo woo” stuff mentioned, you were alerted.
Manifesting for me has been an interesting journey. As of today, I haven’t manifested much at all. Just my personal free time is what I have wanted for a long time(away from manipulating friends). Manifesting, for me so far, has been about inner work and bringing myself to a higher vibration. Sure, I want to make money and be my own boss, have a nice home, make my own schedule, have love in my life but, I do not feel I am good enough for it. Universe needs me to be clear and be aligned with what I want.
Positive energy. I have struggled with this for a long time. I was always dragging negativity with me. Everywhere I went, negativity was all around me because I never saw it. I used to think it was other people doing this to me, never ME! Why did this happen to me? Why didn’t it happen to her? Why do I have to be always the one with the short end of the stick? Why? Why? Why? It is a victim mentality and it was making my negativity larger and darker. I think people sensed it off of me. Sometimes when I go out in the public, people would just turn to me and stare at me for no reason? Geez!!!! Am I that toxic?
I used to get 11:11 signs whenever I was negative or thinking out of alignment with what I wanted for me. I never understood it.
Finally, last year, I had enough of my negative life. Tired of being depressed, grumpy, and moody. I wanted to change it and be more proactive in my own life. I wanted to lead it to a better path.
Changing mindset. A good example is when I would go out, I feel like people would always be in my way. Cars would always block me. Every time I would cross the street, a big truck would always back up into the street I wanted to cross. Or people would always walk into me blocking my path. What is up with all these blocks?
One day, I started changing my mindset. I started thinking, I am walking too slow that’s why I can’t cross fast enough before the truck starts to park. Or Well, it is a busier time in my neighborhood. Let me walk to a quieter street. I adjusted my mindset and walked a different block and things changed.
Look for a different approach to how you see things. Think outside the box not inside the box. Be mindful and don’t stress over little things. I get surprised how the Universe just works with you.
During a summer day last year, I headed up to my neighborhood park. Crossing to my park was annoying because so many cars would pass by. I was just listening to my positive affirmations to keep a good headspace and I got to the corner of the block to stop for a red light. All of a sudden, in that moment I stopped, the street went quiet and the traffic light turned red for me. The walk sign clicked to “Walk”. The click was louder than usual. Wow. Right. On. Point. I was clear to cross. That was a lovely day!
11:11 would come up more and more. It means differently depending on your thoughts. I still see it to this day. One thing for sure, it is to guide me to a positive way of life. This is a step into raising my vibration!