Focusing in on Positivity

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Staying clear minded and positive is tough. Winter is here and it has been mostly dark. The last couple days were sunny and beautiful almost as if Spring was teasing a bit. Yesterday was beautiful. I think other people were enjoying it too. Temperatures have been about 10 degrees so, having just one day of warmth and sun is a nice break!

I am home mostly due to Covid, ice cold weather and no where to go. This can take a toll mentally. I would try to read to take my mind off things but, my anxiety would kick in a little bit and take me off my reading.

My diet has been horrible. I am single and lazy so, I just eat the most convenient foods. I do feel crappy after eating this type of diet so, I have to work on that. Maybe it can improve my moods a little.

I can say working on law of attraction is slightly on hold. I am working on keeping my vibrations high so, I can attract just good flow of energy. That is always good. Keeping myself centered is important for my mental health. It keeps the bad thoughts out and keeps my moods from dipping. Another thing is my lack of creativity. How do you learn how to leave your comfort zone when you are mostly home bound? My mind goes blank.

During the Holidays//

Even though, I am working on myself internally, the Universe is sending me love through unexpected situations such as a love interest. I never really had one of these. Or maybe I have never noticed anyone interested in me. My mind normally tells me I am not social enough to date or interesting enough nor pretty enough. However, during the holidays as I was focused on my self-love since no one else seemed to care about me. My brother never said Happy Birthday to me but, he text me Merry Christmas on Christmas day. My parents didn’t want to see me on my birthday or even wanted to celebrate it. I insisted. I wanted to see my parents for my birthday! Since no one cared for me, I cared for myself. I bought flowers for myself even though I was sad. I bought candles to watch holiday hallmark movies in the dark. I am a sucker for Holiday Romance movies.

I could’ve let my dark thoughts take over for the holidays. My birthday is right next to Christmas so, I wanted it to feel nice. I by all means do not think I am special but, it kind of hurt me that not even my family wanted to acknowledge me on my birthday. My negativity took me to all these thoughts that were more harmful than helpful to my self-love. I decided even with my sad emotions to just treat myself anyway. I created a beautiful setting to set up my birthday. I bought myself cake, flowers, snacks for movie night alone and treated myself to breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I think that was the important thing during the holidays. Despite no one cared for me, I decided to think there is someone who does care for me and that is myself. And all of a sudden, on my way home from running to the pharmacy, I see this guy in the neighborhood that I never really cared to notice heading to his car. Actually, where did he come from? He was handsome! We ended up looking at each other. He smiled at me. I looked away quickly and he walked away to his destination. I was so surprised. I was shocked he showed interest my way. Normally, people avoid looking at me and just pass me on the street.

Days later, I see him again. He tries to grab my attention. He was standing near his car and I was walking down his direction. Here comes my mistake, I ignored him because I was in a bad mood. I was thinking he would never stay interested in me anyway once he got to know me. I mean, the world never cared to treat me like I mattered so, maybe he would turn out to be just like everyone else after he got what he wanted. I continued to ignore him even after he continued to wave like crazy.

Why do I see this as a mistake? I had to think about it.

It is interesting how no one cared for me in the world including my family on my birthday but, somehow this guy appears on the day and smiles at me. I was outside gathering all the goods to treat myself and this guys appears. How interesting. I know it sounds silly. But, I do not take these things lightly. I take signs from life and I try to read into them. Sometimes, I read too much into them. I am quite a serious person. I wished I hadn’t ignored him when he was waving at me like a maniac to grab my attention from across the street. Why didn’t I take the chance and say hi?

Dream I had last night//

I wake up not too long ago from a dream I had. Some changes with my family. My little brother is becoming serious with his girlfriend. So, I had a dream that I wasn’t invited to his wedding. His wife-to-be was doing the wedding planning and hired a wedding planner. I confronted the wedding planner because she sent out all the invitations in front of a large group of people at a venue. It appears she was organizing some event at this venue which is why there was all these people. I normally, do not confront people nor confront in a large crowd so, my not being invited really upset me. I am the grooms’ sister, how come? She made up a lie about sending it out in the mail. “Maybe it got lost in the mail,” She said. Yeah, right. Everyone else in my dream got an invitation. So, it was obvious I was excluded. I didn’t go any further. I turn away and start walking out of the venue. That’s when I woke up.

I was in such a terrible mood. Since I woke up straight from the dream, my emotions were real and I felt alone. I felt unwanted because people see no worth in me. It took me an hour to switch my mind into thinking it was just a dream. I have to tell myself even if people around me see no worth in me, I have to believe in myself. Somehow, I just have to believe in myself!

Despite how my life appears to others right now, I choose to stand by myself. This is pretty hard because I also share the view of others. It is easy to see that someone with no job, no ambitions currently, and no husband or kids appears very low to society. Especially in an Asian family, I am the oldest which means the oldest is supposed to be married first. But, it is 2021, who is paying attention to these traditions anyway?

I still stand by myself. A chunk of my young adult life was listening to toxic friends who I followed down a bad path. Currently, making up for that time is rough but, I will only keep faith in myself. This is only the beginning which is what I say to myself. My changes are slow. At times, I wonder if there are any changes at all happening to my life. When I exchanged looks with that guy, well that is something there.

I never thought love would ever appear in my life. Not even a hint of it. It gives me hope even though I may have turned down that hope, haha.

My current mental state is to keep on going. Staying positive can only improve my experiences and help me reach my current goals.

When it rains, look for rainbows. When it’s dark, look for stars.

To not worry about the opinion of others but my own.

Keep faith and hope. For myself and for the world. That things can get better.

(And proper diet and exercise to get through this super cold winter!)

Thank you for reading!

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It’s finally time to break out of the comfort zones! Really!!

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I am surrounded by cozy. A lot of articles say comfort zones can be boring and well, it can be. It is staying in what is safe for you. For me, it is preventing me from changing. Times are tough now with omnicron and winter. So, going anywhere would be difficult unless you have family to travel to visit. That is wonderful. 

My dream right now is to go to a warm sunny Island and away from gloomy cold winter days of New York. People want to be in New York City for New Years. I prefer to be sipping iced tea at a beach! 

One issue is that my comfort zone lies being here in NY. I am afraid to travel because honestly, of my race and how alone I am. That has never stopped anyone. For me, my fears keeps me trapped. Also, I currently am in saving mode since I am still jobless. But, perhaps when I do have the means and things are relaxed a bit from Covid, do I have the will to do it? Travel alone?

I am currently reading up books on comfort zones and law of attraction. I spoke about working on my self-confidence but, I think working on my comforts and breaking out of them would bring up my self-confidence. Things are all connected. And this action would encourage some good changes I am seeking in my life. I can also get away from thinking about my mom and her mental illness for a short while. Am I being too selfish trying to stay clear of her negativity? It would be wonderful if she can come along with me but, she is so negative, she will have 50 reasons not to go. 

Poor mom. 

A good idea is start small by getting the courage to talk to people. Gosh. I fear people and their judgements. I am aware of this but not able to fix this. Pushing myself to do it would be tough. I rather order food through an app than speak my order. Part of this is laziness and mostly I am too “Introverted”. I dislike using these terms you see online such as Pinterest and instagram. People can distort these terms and it becomes a definition different from the traditional definition of a word. So, let’s say I am too shy. Honestly, I’m  a scared person to speak up. 

I have too many comforts!! Sticking to my comfort zones became more intense for me since Covid started. Since leaving my crazy toxic situation, I have been protecting myself inside this cozy bubble of mine. It started with leaving toxic “friends” and then toxic jobs. Now, its as if anything that makes me happy with ease, I will do it with pleasure. The last two years was all about healing and keeping myself “safe”. The issue with this is now I am in the same place and would like a push to where I want to go.

When will I have the courage to start breaking out of them? I do not know? I have been thinking about this all year long. I even wrote a few posts about comfort zones. I didnt review those posts but this one may be possibly similar to them.

I feel my keeping inside my safe zones delays my self improvement. Not that self-improvement has a deadline because it doesn’t. A time frame exists only if you put one on yourself and call it a goal. 

So, do not be like me and challenge yourself to something new and different. Should you make a list of challenges to knock off?  Why not? I don’t have a list but I do have my top 3 comfort zones I would love to break out of. 

My top three comfort zones I need to break:

1)Being comfortable around people and talking to strangers. 

2)Traveling alone

3)Getting past difficulties even when I am very terrible at something. I give up when something is too hard and have lack of support. I give up when I am capable of pulling through. 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share comfort zones you would like to break out of below. Love any comments. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!!!! Happy 2022!!!!!!!

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“if you do not like where you are, move. You are not a tree.”

Believing in myself is a form of self-love

Nature walk this morning

Keeping myself moving this morning. This weekend was a long one with lots of rain from Hurricane Henri. Thankfully, my part of town wasn’t severely affected.

I am trying to keep my walking consistent. And honestly, my body starts to feel uncomfortable when I am not active. And a walk gets yourself out of your head for a while. This is great for my anxiety.

I am keeping positive as I work on my current goals. I am definitely moving in a positive direction with my mindset. Always remember that things may not align for you. You have to go for it. Thinking of an idea is only an idea until you muster up the courage to go for that goal. Sometimes things fall in line once you do that. It may not be what you are destined for but it is a destination. It is a goal to move toward.

I am starting to understand that better now. Especially with using the Law of Attraction. You can create a vision board but that vision board will just stay an art project until you list out goals to accomplish.

-Have a vision. A vision board. I have a digital vision board. It’s filled with short term and long term goals. I adjust my board as I add new goals. You can even add positive images to uplift your mood.

-List out the goals you are looking forward to achieving based on your vision board. They can be a combination of short term or long term goals. Do not worry about being able to achieve them. Just make a list. You can access what is doable and not later.

-Create an action plan for the smallest goals. The smallest goals can take time. I realized that even small goals do not take 3 days or a week to accomplish. Short goals can take 3 months, 6 months. Patience is key.

-Create an action plan for the longer goals. Even if you are not sure if you can achieve them. This is something you can always come back to down the line. But it’s nice to have it written so you see this goal is something you want to accomplish. Sometimes a nice visual list can assist you in creating your vision if that makes sense. You can do it in your head. However, writing it down makes it feel certain on paper. Your mind processes it as “okay, so this is what I have to do”. I do not make a list but, I write about my goals in my journal. I do it this way because I need to process if this is something I can achieve and all that. I know, I should believe in myself more! This is how I brainstorm.

Long acting goals can be set aside unless you are confident you can achieve it. Then you can add a timeline. If you are not sure if you can achieve these goals. Create shorter ones that help you achieve the longer goals. I am currently working on that now. I am not sure if I’ll get to where I need to go. But I am setting a course of action to get there.

-Action. Start acting on short goals. These are easily to obtain so you start making your move based on your plan. And sometimes things do not work out. All plans are adjustable.

  • Believe in yourself – trusting yourself to achieve what you want to accomplish is a great form of self-love. You want better for yourself. Believe that you can do it. Keep pushing and if the plan doesn’t work out. It can go out of plan and if that is so, than make a plan B. Sometimes, you may have to create another plan as you go. But you stay the course to your goal.

  • another way of showing belief in yourself and in your goals is to act as if you achieved it. Believe that it is possible! For example, If you are thinking about being employed again, create an interview outfit. How would you dress to impress. Make a work bag full of essentials for when you do have to go into the office. Have your work bag ready with your needs so you are set at work. Believe that you will have a job. In the meantime, send out resumes. If one job doesn’t work out, keep sending it. Even if you have to send it out 50 times. This example may be a bit too much but, it’s acting as if you have the goal is what helps you realize the achievement. And maybe in a unexpected moment you may get a call.

-Push yourself and do not give up. It’s always tough but staying in your comfort zone is not going to take you anywhere. Do not be afraid to be uncomfortable. I noticed the what seems so simple is not so simple. With enough consistency, you can get through it. Plus a high amount of patience. If you get frustrated, step back. Take a break. Watch a funny video. When you are ready. Start again.

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I am currently working on believing in myself. This is a new thing because I never did believe in myself. Constantly thinking I can’t “do this”. Sulking in “I can’t do that”. It didn’t lead to anything. Only more heart break. I am slowly shifting out of that.

The Law of Attraction is not exactly as they say it is. In reality it is patience and consistency that leads to where you want to go. Things do not just appear. It is a series of actions that create the end result. Although, the law of attraction is still what it is. If you believe in it, it will be done. Everyday I am constantly learning about the law of attraction and how it applies to my daily life. I am continuing to learn.

Becoming Motivated with the Power of Positivity

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My journals have been quite a successful way for me to change my mindset. I am currently making it a daily practice. My negative mindset does pop back up. It’s always going to be there as I realize this daily. Everyday, I can think something negative easy however, with the journal exercises, I am learning to think a positive thought in replacement. This is exciting progress for me here. I am someone who has been so hard on herself all my life. This is quite a change!

The positive affirmations has made me realize do I want to continue repeating negative things about myself and have thoughts based on my past experiences or do I want to create a new story for myself? I decided I do want to create a new story for myself. The positive affirmations is a excellent assistant to start this new story.

I still have the anxiety and worry that comes with negativity of course, as I mentioned in the above paragraph. But, the improvements in a few weeks just make me push more towards completing my goals. My current goals are the results of this positive thought process which I will explain later.

So, continuing my affirmations and gratitude is a must for me. My external environment may not change dramatically right now. Nor, will it change to the way I would like it to be. However, I am looking forward to the changes coming to me as I do these exercises daily. I’ve been having a different attitude even with the negativity. It is more 50% positivity as I used to have 20% positivity.

My current life is still met with some difficulties but, I am so motivated to push through it. I am seeing it more as a challenge to solve problems as situations arise during my day.

My old way was to let the situation ride out and not think too hard about it. This response well, didn’t work out. I am motivated to find a different way to getting what I need. Instead of seeing blocks, I am motivated to push past this belief. Instead of seeing a brick wall, I am changing my mindset and looking at it as an adjustable wall partition that can be moved to create room for something else. Therefore, my wall is no longer intimidating. That was probably not the best analogy but, I hope it is understandable.

Positivity is a motivator. Any blocks you are currently going through, think of it as there’s always another way. See past the limitation.

I feel like I am still at the beginning of a journey. Lots of tough things going on in this world. I am going to get through it as best as I can. Building a positive story instead of continuing on the road of negativity is a great direction towards progress. Being positive within my own mindset and creating that inner peace is so comforting. And it makes me seek out more. To progress….

A wonderful quote

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I love quotes. If it’s not affirmations I am reading it is reading inspiring quotes. To push myself out the door on a good day for a nice walk to move my body, I listen to YouTube motivational videos. That music moves me!

The quote I read that inspired this post is, “Everything You do now is for your future”. The author is unknown but it is so powerful! I am working on improving myself and change takes time and repetition.

My opportunities to change at the moment is a little limited since I am mostly home bound still in my own kind of quarantine. However, when I get a chance to get out the house whether it is to go for a walk or to grab groceries at the supermarket at my local area, I use it as a chance to practice my new rules.

Some of them are:

  • Do not be rude to a stranger even if they are rude first
  • Practice positivity and expect positivity. Mentally keeping that focus is important. You are connecting with strangers and everyone acts differently. Getting positive results around strangers comes from how you open up to others. Sometimes I forget this when I do not wake up earlier in my day and mentally “prep” for my day. I do not practice a daily morning routine but, even on a simple day a basic morning routine is excellent just to tackle walking around a busy neighborhood. I woke up later today and felt my own negativity today. I just wasn’t prepared for my day.
  • Walk around with energy. It brightens my energy and people respond to me positively.
  • Practice having less processed foods for better energy and drink more water.

Changing small things can be a challenge. But I am working on it. And the more I accomplish the more goals I can set for myself. This is all workings towards a better me. My better self. This is a great time for me to do this. I don’t get practice enough but I like the pace I am at. I get to be more mindful of my thoughts which tells me where I am with my growth.

For example, I would take on the opinion of others in the past instead of listening to my own. Instead of automatically agreeing with others so, I do not risk an argument, I now have time to think, “is this what I feel too? Or am I agreeing because I should?

Which concludes my list above with being mindful. Being aware of my thoughts and making sure I am living my truth. My true self. Not what I should be to fit in or to impress a guy or a group of people.

“Everything you do today is for your future.” Is such a wonderful quote so I thought I write about it.